As the number of young people I assist in preparing for college continues to grow, one of my initial observations proves itself time and again. Students who have involved parents tend to meet and exceed requirements for college admissions at a far greater rate than students left to fend for themselves.
There are exceptions to every rule and this one is no different. The parent that hovers so closely that the student is all but suffocated (the helicopter parent) becomes a greater obstacle than the absent parent. The only client I ever fired not only attempted to control every decision her teenage son made, she began demanding that I text and visit with him daily to force him to comply.
Like it or not, when parents leave the hospital or adoption agency and assume all the rights and responsibilities involved in caring for tiny human being, they take home an individual. That individual will eventually make up their mind about who they are and what they believe. Those personality traits can be suppressed while under the roof of the parents but if they want to see their adult child and eventual grandchildren it’s best to let them begin expressing themselves before leaving home.
Equally as bad for students with the intelligence to attend college is the absent parent, I will call them space ships. Once they take off they just keep going and are soon out of sight. The student with this kind of parent that is well prepared for college is special indeed. They are going to be all right no matter what; just don’t expect them to come visit very much once they leave home.
I prefer parents that are like a crop duster. They slow down when needed to make an observation, swoop low enough to check on things and give suggestions, then are off again to attend to their own lives before the next pass. Which kind of flying machine would your child say you are?